Dear America Pt.2

Dear America,

What's up girlfriend? Now that we are slowly on the road to recovery, i believe i'll take it upon myself to begin explaining to you the next problem that we must approach. Can you guess what it is? I know, there are so many things you suck at, there is no way you'll guess...okay i'll tell you....it's the Country Music. Actually, it doesn't even deserve to be capitalized, so let me fix that, it's the country music. Now, there is no easy way for me to tell you this, but i consider us to be total BFF'S and honesty is the best policy in any relationship.

As a girl who has grown up in the deep south, i have experienced this problem first hand. And i think i may be semi-retarded from it. We must act now to save the innocent children. I'm quite aware to the fact that anyone can make it in this so-called business, heck, even Australians (with man highlights) are immigrating over here and taking over it. NOT cool. We don't want those foreigners over here taking our money, right?! I'm also having a problem with the variety of songs. There is none. If i write a short anecdote about a someone, preferably a child, dying of cancer, or a wife who gets abused by her husband and that poor innocent child of theirs has to see it, or even a short little ditty about how cowgirls can ride me all night long...do you think i can "make it" too? Oh, i forgot one thing, the accent. What if i really exaggerate my southern accent even though i may hail from Seattle, Washington or...the North Pole?

He may be Australian but atleast he has an alcohol problem so that he can validated in the country music world!

What i'm saying, America, is that when this music is broadcasted for all to hear, it causes it's listeners or innocent bystanders to lose 1,000 braincells a minute on average. If we're going to take over the world like we're so smoothly doing (seriously, everyone LOVES the shit out of you America, you would totally win in a Country of the World Pageant) then we need all the brain cells we can get, right? So please, USA (is it okay if i call you that? i feel like we're really bonding), do your citizens a favor and pull the plug....on the country music.

Sealed with a loving hand on the shoulder,
Faye